Tuesday, September 13, 2005


I hit the big THREE OH this week!


Greetings of peace from the depths of my heart and joint :-)

Yes time has zoomed by - my 30th week off-sick!

Well what have I achieved then in these 7 months of sitting at home? Besides moaning and groaning and sleeping for England in an attempt to manage my pain…

Hmmm.. I’d say a trip to Tunisia and a picture with the old Bill on the beebs site’ is not something I got to do in my ‘healthy’ days eh? Neither did I imagine travelling at sea, reading like a book-worm or conquering my fear of (moving) water. I’ve had my fair share of insights these many months thanks to God Almighty so experiential learning gets the thumbs up from me-hee!

One of the greatest of fortunes I have been blessed with in the 30 weeks has been to share the same air-space and listen to the words of some of the most Beautiful Teachers this world has within it. Each a giant in knowledge and offering a gift to my state:

Shaykh Abdal Aziz Ahmed Fredericks
Shaykh Abdal-Hakim Murad (Timothy J Winter)
Shaykh Abdullah Noorudeen Durkee
Shaykh Ali Laraki Al Sharif Al Husaini
Shaykh Babikr Ahmed Babikr
Shaykh Hamza Yusuf Hanson
Hasan Le Gai Eaton
Haytham Tamim
Martin Lings (Abu Bakr Siraj Ad-Din)
Shaykh Muhammad Al-Yaqoubi
Shaykh Nuh Ha Mim Keller
Shaykh Sa'ad al-'Attas
Shaykh Muhammad Samir al-Nass
Imam Zaid Shakir

No doubt some of these people I saw for the first time which will be a sweet memory my spirit will cherish whenever I look back at this period in my life. And if I am unable to see them again, I know that that will be for a reason; as I was meant to be in their ‘presence’ when the time was ‘right’. There is enough I have captured in the few moments I heard and saw these individuals and others who I haven’t mentioned here. Thus I never fear not being able to get a ‘second glimpse’ as I feel one of the things these weeks have taught me is about the importance of ‘accepting’ without ‘questioning’. I have been very fortunate with what I have and for me that is enough.

I was also overwhelmed to have spoken to these inspirational people who taught me so much; some just by saying a sentence or two. Each word they spoke, each gesture has been therapeautic for Tranquilart:
Abdul-Lateef Whiteman (Ian Whiteman)
Abdul-Adheem Sanders (Peter Sanders)
Shems Friedlander

Hajja Noura Durkee
Saraji Umm Zaid

I truly believe that to be in the presence of such people helps ones’ state incredibly. My belief is that one shares more than just the ‘air-space’. Perhaps this is why the Departure of the Prophet of Mercy was taken so heavily by the earth; as he was a Mercy for the Universe?

Besides this great blessing and treasure I am also learning a lot about the world we live in. Looking into society, almost as an outsider, I have seen the many things we have - but don’t recognise exist; aswell as the many deficits in our communities which seldom get identified.

As a disabled person – yes I use that term not to exaggerate my condition – but to remind myself that my condition restricts me from doing many things I would be able to do without this condition. I have had an opportunity to experience what it feels like to be ‘cut off from society’. I feel many times our societies are apt only for a specific type of ‘able-bodied’ people to live in and partake of the fruits. I remember one of my early experiences wearing a sling and visiting the City Centre, I came home thinking: “The Citys’ a disabled persons’ worst nightmare!”

There are many things I would like to blog about but I fear each would become an essay-wide! Thus will endeavour to share some of the insights in the coming weeks.

However, I have learnt that it is the simplest of things in life that make the difference.

There are many people who have entered this world of mine in these 7 months. I have received texts, gifts and emails from people I have never met. Amazing I say, they have only known me as a “sick woman!” I wonder what it would have been like had I met these people prior to February? Would I still have felt the ‘closeness’ that I feel to them? Would I still have had the time to mention them in my prayers in the same way that I do today?

I laugh at how it came to be that during the start of my sickness, the people who I would have contacted were not ‘around’. More specificly one of my closest friends was on an extended holiday abroad and the second had her telephone disconnected and I had no mobile number or address to contact her on.

I think to myself:

Why when I needed the support of these people did fate ‘cut me off’ from them?

But then I guess if one starts to ask “why” there are a lot of “whys” my being is burning to ask:

Why did this happen?
Why did I have to resign my second job?
Why has it taken this long to recover?
Why couldn’t I launch my arts catalogue?
Why did I pack away my arts materials and decide to give up my Tranquilart project?
Why after just 6 months of being in the job I classified as my ‘dream job’ am I on long-term sick leave?
Why when I thought I knew what I was about do I feel the urge to question my existence on the planet?

Why have I been asked if someone hit me or if I’ve had a fall?
Why do the guys in City Centre ask me if I’d like to su my employers and claim compensation?
Why do I feel sometimes that it will be a long time before I am able to stand and deliver in front of a class again?

Why does society question the health of an ill person but not that of the other?
Why does society set time parameters on recovery and individuals not be allowed to recover naturally?
Why do people think that only other people can have a disability and not their loved ones?
Why do people love to feel sorry for me and give sympathy but find it cumbersome to feel empathic?
Why do I forget the existence of pain in the moments when I have no pain, and fail to remember these moments when pain comes back?

Why can’t we understand that life is passing us by so fast that shortly our eyes will close and we will no longer be in this earthly realm?

Why can’t man just accept that he is creation?

Why do I, despite all the odds that exist against me today, still have the ability to dream and desire to do so many wonderful things?
Why do I no longer bother fearing the bank account which is slowly decreasing?
Why do I not feel anger at my situation?
Why does it not bother me anymore if the roof came toppling down onto my head?

Why oh Lord of the Heavans and the Earth, Why has it taken me this long to realise that this was your Gift to me all along?

Peace & Prayers.
Goodnight & God Bless
Bint-eh Adam x
Asak wr wb,

You mentioned that you have a wish to share Sh Hamza's CD, 17 benefits of tribulation.

I am a revert who's in DIRE straits, and yet under Allah's care. Angels have my back, I know it. But even Sh Hamza says, the key to Rizq, is seeking it out.

My email address is deenspot24@lycos.com. I'd appreciate it if you'd email me, so that I can have a badly needed copy of this CD lecture. Otherwise, I may lose my mushrik family, forever.

I trust you will not ignore this humble yet fervent request.

Thanking you,
"just a revert"

Gosh people actually READ my comments?!

InshaAllah give me a day or so, I will be emailing you.

PS - for clarification what I meant was that the person who recommended me the CD also told me to 'share' it with others. I didn't quite understand what she meant when she said this to me as I have never been advised to share anything in sucha specific fashion.

It was only after listening to the CD that I realised what she meant.

Apologies for my lack of clarity and elequoence :-/

May God ALmighty help your situation.

"just a nomad" :)
Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?