Friday, August 19, 2005


“You Alright Sista?!”

“I saw your sister man!”


“Is she OK?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are things OK with her husband… she’s got a broken arm!”

“She doesn't have a husband!”

This is a paraphrased conversation that took place between my brother and his friend who had spotted my bandaged hand as I walked from a class a couple of weeks ago.

I had a mixed reaction as he told me this.

On the one hand I felt overwhelmed at the fact that, had I been in such a bleak circumstance at least there were people kind enough to look out for me.

That, there were men who did not see domestic violence as something to be proud of. I felt quite fortunate to be the sister of a man who sees domestic violence as a parasite in a sacred relationship which is considered worship.

Marriage is one of the primers in stabilizing communities and eventually society; the Islamic Traditions elevate it's status.

On the other hand, I also felt deeply saddened at the fact that two women in the UK die as a result of domestic violence each week.

Many women suffer abuse and assault continuously before they seek help. Some men from almost any faith consider hitting, ridiculing and dominating a woman as one of the most exemplary manners in demonstrating their masculinity.

I know a woman whose husband threw a book at her during her pregnancy.

I know a woman whose husband told her how ugly she looked.

I know a woman whose husband gave her a couple of children and a few stitches in the head.

As I dictate this to my machine I look towards the grey clouds that have filled the sky: two more women dead in the comfort of their own dwellings this week.

The time for men and for women to start living in peace is Now. As a society we need once again to rekindle the flame which illuminates mankind out of the hatred of the ‘other.’

We need to open our Scriptures as well as our hearts and allow ourselves to be immersed into a state of reflection so that we may be able to offer help, support and advice to those men who still have not understood that the Daughter of Adam is as sacred as her Mothers were before her.

Her Womb is as precious as was that which carried Prophet Isa AlaiSalam.

Her Breast is as sacred as that of the wet-nurse and mother of Prophet Musa AlaiSalam.

Her Feet are as indispensible as the one who ran seven times in search of water for her son Prophet Ishmael AlaiSalam.

And her Hands are as blessed as those which carried the Beloved Prophet Muhammad AlaiSalam into the desert.

I see a rainbow in the midst of those grey clouds outside.

Peace & Prayers

Wasalam, Love & Duas
Bint-eh Adam xx
fantastic post. this has to be one of the vilest things on our planet :(
Yes sadly :-(
"I know a woman whose husband threw a book at her during her pregnancy."

As i read this post my heart was filled with sorrow. My sister had what they call a "love marriage". She became pregnant within a month of her marriage but the violence started within two weeks of their marriage.
When she was pregnant not only was she briused physically but mentally also. When she had her child she also got a black eye. So sad but what is even more sad-when she comes home,all i can only do is sit and listen to all the abuse she had from her husband and how she is not appreciated by his family. Nothing else. I want to sometimes take her away to somewhere happy and special to make her feel that she is wanted and appreciated. But where do you take people who have been abused?

Thanks for sharing.

The sad reality is that whether women are married in 'love mrriages', 'arranged marriages' or are just 'living with their partner' - Domestic Violence crosses boundaries, cultures, religions and cities.

But where do you take people who have been abused?

I mentioned your comment to a friend who was a victim of domestic violence many years ago ... and she suggests that it is more important for the abuse to stop than anything else. Your sister seems to have at least one child (?) - such an environment is not conducive to the wellbeing of the child either.

Domestic Violence is a crime - Please Read This It also contains Helpline info.

Also, if you email me the city name I could find out about help available there.

If possible, please report the incident to Police. The husband needs to be made aware that this is a 'crime'. This may also lead to some deterence. They won't arrest him as such.. but they need to be made aware of such instances.

You need to contact the helpine to find out what you could do - And there is a lot. For a start I think you should speak to your sister and explain to her how wrong the abuse is. I am unsure what faith you are, but if you are a Muslim, you may want to consult with the community leaders or extended family members to highlight the existence of the problem.. and to gain their support. As often communities like to 'blame' women for this - which leads women to further being the victims of abuse.

Stigma does exist - but in instances of domestic violence one cannot go on in the pretence that things will be better soon. Many women often return to their partners for emotional support, love etc and the abuse may stop, before it starts again.

Your sister and yourself need to ask yourself:

When will the abuse be 'too much'? Look again at the stats on this page: 2 women per week die in the UK due to Domestic Violence.

I am not an expert in domestic violence and seriously encourage you to contact the helpline mentioned in some of the links.

Regards and all the best
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